It is approaching five years since I made my initial police complaint against my father for sexually abusing me as a child. How time flies! The worries of having a court case months after my complaint and being prepared for such a challenge were vastly overstated. A process that I felt would move lightning quick has barely moved an inch. If I were seeking punishment, revenge or even just healing from the process of justice, I would be devastated. Justice serves no one.
My initial reasoning behind filing a criminal complaint was to save others from this man. I didn’t want to go this way, but all he wanted to do was talk about it with me. He offered to seek counselling together to help us get “past this.” My mother echoed his plea. He was not owning up to what he had done to me, only admitting that he had sought help for his drinking (he never had a drinking problem that I was aware of). Realizing that there would be no counsellor in their right mind that would take this on, I had no other choice but to report a crime that I had witnessed. I am not a hero, I was just doing the right thing.
Fast forward to today. While I have learned of information that leads to me not being alone with my story with this man. I am really no further in the eyes of justice than I was back in 2013. While my healing has resolved itself, justice has not. I am past ever having a relationship with my father, yet, the court system keeps bringing me back to him. All I want is to have my day in court, but the more time passes, it appears as though that this may never happen. While the case against him looks like a no-brainer, there are still things that the court does not like. It is out of my hands. At this point, I have done all that I can do.
That doesn’t mean I must remain silent!
Two years ago on the heels of my TEDx talk, I decided that I would stage a Victor Walk (click here for more information on it). I wanted to continue my mission of opening up the dialogue on sexual abuse. Being silent was not an option anymore, and I felt that this was a great way to push myself on being more vocal in my community. It was a fantastic experience and one that I am glad that I had pushed myself out of the comfort zone and attained.
Here we are, 2018 and I have decided to once again organize a Victor Walk in my hometown of Riverview, NB. There are far too many people in our world who have been sexually abused as a child who faces struggles every day to find their voice, to speak out, to move on. A Victor Walk is a great way to lend support to those people and give them an ounce of support that may just be enough to push them forward to speak out. At the very least, it spreads awareness of childhood sexual abuse.
We are always in control of the outcome of anything in our lives. While my date with the court system remains on hold, I do not have to sit back and wait along with it. It does disappoint me that I cannot recommend going to the authorities for a resolution to the pain that comes from abuse, I sure as hell can recommend being as open as you can about it. Even if someone has taken away your trust, nobody has taken away your voice.
While the details are still very open right now, I can confirm that the 2018 Victor Walk will be on Saturday, July 21st, 2018 in Riverview, NB. Stay tuned!