It takes a lot of energy to fight against the flow. As I write this blog post, I’m struggling to find words that once came to me instantly. I’m burning calories making my brain push out thought. It’s been almost three months since I last wrote a personal blog post, but why?
For over five years, I wrote here religiously -never missing a week. 425+ blog posts stretched over 500+ weeks. You can see that I wrote a lot. At that time, I accumulated a decent following, and I could feel the momentum growing in my readership. I was inspiring others; people were sharing their deepest thoughts and secrets with me. I was making an impact. Then I stopped. Cold.
Something deep inside screamed at me to give this up; I was going too far. Excused piled up, I procrastinated, and eventually, I gave it up. My writing, the proven exit door of the bottled up thoughts inside my busy mind, slammed shut by my greatest weakness: inferior self-worth.
Unworthiness, self-doubt, weak self-esteem and low self-worth have plagued my entire life. And from what I gather from most of the people I talk to, it haunts them too. The hindrance to personal greatness, not beliving in the harnessed power of the true human spirit that we ALL have inside of us, keeps us average, and some of us, below-average.
Low self-worth is systematic
It starts in grade school, where report cards measure you against perfection. Then the power of capitalism scales your potential to your bank account’s balance and your ability to spend. And regardless of your parent’s best intentions, they raise you to be average, not to stand out, because standing out creates friction, and friction leads to bullying and hurt feelings, and no parent wants to see their child hurting.
Society slowly grinds us down to like the same things, eat the same food, believe in the same God, and vote for the same side. We become conditioned to compare ourselves to the familiar majority; it’s safer there. Eventually, we succumb to the self-worth given to us by who we believe are higher than us.
Many people are happy to be average, and that’s OK
There is nothing wrong with that. I’m not nagging on those who are content with riding the wave. Ultimately, being deeply satisfied with who we are is the ultimate goal. But for some of us, average doesn’t feel right. There is more to life beyond the fragile line of ordinary. It takes a lot of energy to jump over it, and incredible determination to push ourselves into the greatness that equally excites and scares us.
Are you scared of your greatness because of the uncomfortableness of going against the normal, or is it because it’s genuinely not who you are? That is the question we all must ask ourselves. If it’s the latter, you’re robbing yourself of a life you’re meant to follow.
It’s why I wrote this blog post today. I know that I’ll get tired, attempting to push myself back into my greatness. But I know that each word of each blog post I’ll write will push my self-worth up another notch. I’m worth more than what I think that I am. I have to prove to myself that I’m not average, one word at a time.