Why?

I struggle with my “why” everyday. I lose sight of why I do the things I do. Sometimes I just feel that It would be so much easier to just give up and follow the herd, but I won’t.

I’ll admit, some days I get very lonely.

There are days that I hit a wall that I know that I have created. This wall makes me question everything I do and I keep looping back with the same question: “Why?”.

Over the past few months I have been really struggling over why I am doing what I am doing. I have made a lot of significant lifestyle and mindset changes and yet deep down, I sometimes feel very unhappy. Because of this deep rooted unhappiness, I start to wonder why. Why do I get up early? Why do I eat healthy? Why do I exercise? Why do I work hard? Why do I write this blog? Why do I continually do things that make me feel alone and ostracized from my friends and family. Why, why, why?

It seems that somewhere along my journey in life I break away from my center and I lose my why, I lose my purpose. Thankfully last week, I found some hope that my why was always right in front of me, I just had to see it.

During my work vacation, my son, a few friends of mine and me went to challenge our bodies at this thing called TreeGo. TreeGo is an obstacle course set in the forest where the participants must climb ladders, cruise zip-lines and test their balance navigating a 3 hour course. My son -being only 9- couldn’t wait to take on the challenging adult course that is designated for people 10 years and older. My son is tall for his age so he was able to take part with use adults because he met the height requirement.

As we scaled the various lines and navigated around all the fun obstacles I couldn’t help but feel a large bit of pride in how my son was handling this exercise. As each obstacle stretched ever fibre of his mental and physical being, he kept on plowing through and getting past his own mental blockages to get to the next tree. He was battling hard sometimes. But in his example, I found my why.

Watching my son grow up has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Seeing him overcome all of the challenges that growing up in the 21st century has thrown at him is a huge inspiration to me. Particularly on this day, watching him push his body and mind to their very limits and doing things that most kids his age would not do. This deep, inner toughness re-enforced the reason why I do the things that I do. We are battle tested. We will fight through the pain to get to the other side of happiness.

I realized that day that my why is not granular like the minor habits that I do everyday; like my exercise routine, the strict dieting, the writing and the devotion to reading. It is the grand scheme of life -the big picture. Being hyper-focused on the little things will only lead to the distraction from my “why”. But why do I collectively do all of these things? I do them to show my son that the little things in life can sometimes be a struggle. It can be lonely when you stick to your routines. It can sometimes bring you down. But we will not allow life to beat us up to the point that we give up the why-to-fight; the fight to push our limits so that we can grow into happy, hopeful and healthy souls.

Doing the things that most people will not do to be happy can be a very lonely trail. It is the dedication to our habits and routines that will ultimately define us. Our desire to push through our self-imposed limits and always seeking challenge that will enable us to grow and be a better picture of ourselves. I don’t know about you but I would much rather be a content lone wolf than a sad herded sheep. This is my why.