Had I not stopped to think before reacting, this blog post would have started a little harsher and would have come off very condescending of me.
I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong, or when I have gone astray and have gone into complete asshole mode. I am a human. Therefore I make mistakes with my action and my thought. This post was going to be about beating down those who do not take better care of themselves, but I held myself back, it didn’t feel right.
My misguided thought was that when the day comes when I need to use our medical system to treat a critical life illness of mine, I will have to wait in a line behind those who did not take better care of themselves. That all of the time and effort put into my health over the years will not afford me a better chance at healthcare when I need it the most.
Yes, at times I can be very self-centered.
Here I am, trying to be the beacon of good health, advocating others to move more, eat better and push themselves a little further and all I can do is put others down for not doing what I perceive as trying.
But what if they are trying? Of course, everyone is trying! Every new day that we wake up to is the result of successful attempts at trying from the day before. Most of us want to be better, and we do try to better ourselves in our own personal way.
Who am I to say that what I am doing is going to make me any healthier or stronger than you? Who am I to proclaim that what I am doing is just enough to be a better you? Maybe to you, I’m not trying hard enough!
But I am trying.
I was reminded by a good friend that it is not up to me to worry about you. It is not up to me persuade you to move. It is up to me to push myself and if you wish to follow along, great. If not, then I have no business judging you.
That was not enough, there was more to the way I was feeling.
When I drilled down a little deeper and really thought about it, I was seeking validation for my own actions. I had been second guessing my lifestyle, and I was fishing for a boost of righteousness from you to feed my ego. If others follow along and do what I do, then I must be doing this right.
While it is natural to have a need to feel validated, it is wrong to expect it from anyone else. My validation can only come from within, and I must trust myself that what I am doing what is right by me, and not by you. It is unfair to expect you to validate me. We are not the same -and thankfully so.
When the day comes that I am standing in line to get the health care I need to survive, I must remind myself that I have done everything that I could to have avoided this situation. And that everything I could have done has nothing to do with those who stand in line before me. They too have done everything they could to be a better, healthier and stronger person.
After all, they are standing in line in front of me.