When I set out to write this blog, I wanted to share everyday things that crossed my mind. Some would be serious, some would not be, some would be personal, some would be environmental. In this entry, I will share with you something personal that I struggle with that I am sure many of you also struggle with from time to time. Self-consciousness.
My recent bout of unneeded self-consciousness came last week as I was about to post some pictures of my Mustang on Facebook. I wanted to post them for a friend to look at the car for an artistic project he is working on and he needed some visuals of my Mustang to help him through. When I went to post the pictures of the car, I stopped for a second and almost didn’t do it. You see, ever since I bought my Mustang almost 3 years ago, I have felt somewhat ashamed to have the car. This “shame” comes from the fact that I am not a flashy person, yet I drive a “flashy” kind of sports car in the summer. I didn’t buy the car for whatever status it might bring, I bought it because I absolutely love driving. I have always loved driving. I especially love driving in the summer. You could call it one of my passions. But yet, whenever I drive the car, I feel like I am showing off.
So when I posted pictures of my Mustang on my Facebook profile, I felt like I was showing off and I felt almost embarrassed doing so. This is when I started to think, “why am I feeling this way?”. At first I was confused. In my heart I enjoy the car because of the fun I have in it during the summer, but yet I was worrying about what people would think. The confusion set in as to why I felt this way, why I was so conflicted. Well, my answer came to me after a good night of sleep. I was being unnecessarily self-conscious.
I have always been unrealistically self-conscious and only in the past couple of years have I been able to really make any headway on fixing it. I used be so self-conscious that I would just jam up and retreat. Only in the past year or so have I been able to step out of my comfort zone and just say “Screw it! I don’t care what others think! I know I am doing right here, so why give others control of my life?”. The only way to get over self-consciousness is to put yourself out there and not give a care as to what others think. I know it isn’t easy (and a lot easier to say), but if you start off with the small things, you will notice your confidence growing for the bigger things that you may be self-conscious about. It hasn’t been an easy road to travel, and along the ride I will hit some speed bumps (like this latest one posting pics on Facebook), but damnit!! I refuse to stop… as you know. I love to drive!
My updated resolution stats:
24.7 of 1000 KMs walked
2 of 50 blog entries posted
0 of 10 books read (2 on the go)