Confidently Unconfident

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

I want to first preface to say that I really struggled releasing this post. I have a lot of co-workers that follow my blog and I really didn’t want to show my weakness at my job, especially since I am still the “new guy”. But, I need to learn about myself, I need to share my stories and help anyone out there who may feel the same way and who may have gone through the same thing. I also want to hold myself accountable to making a change in the right direction, to keep moving forward. So, here it goes!

Have you ever lost your confidence? I am sure you have at some point. If not, what is your secret? As a person who has always struggled with self confidence I can tell you, it sucks! Whenever I have lost my confidence, the feeling is anxiety in it’s purest form. I become so fixated on the task of trying to get back my confidence that I loose focus on actually learning and mastering just what it is I am trying gain confidence on. I am like a dog chasing it’s tail.

Last year I had changed career paths. While doing so was the best decision I could have ever made, it did come with a price. I had lost my confidence in my abilities as a software developer. I had started out feeling great about my decision to switch up my career but as time wore on and noticing the quality and depth of knowledge that those around me had, I felt myself becoming more and more self involved in worrying that I could not perform up to those standards. It became very stressful at times and for what? Nothing. My peers were awesome and would lend a hand to help me at a moments notice, they never once (in their actions or words) made me feel inadequate or anything like that. It was ALL in my head.

It took a little bit until I self reflected and realized that all of this lack of confidence was inflicted by myself. The only way for me to rebuild that confidence is to put some hard work into my abilities, observe and learn from others and just get down to the nitty-gritty, face the adversity head-on with what I do best. I needed to stop comparing myself to others and most important of all, I have to trust that my instincts will lead me in the right direction.

I won’t lie, I still have days where I feel like I can’t do it. But I remind myself each time that I cannot judge my abilities on things I haven’t done, I can only judge my abilities of what I have done. So far, I have done a lot, I have come a long way. My confidence has slowly but steadily come back.

Updated resolution numbers:

229 of 1000 KMs walked

14 of 50 blog entries posted

6 of 10 books read