I’ve struggled for some time now over the direction of this blog. It started four and a half years ago as a challenge to myself; then it morphed into a place to voice my pain and healing from childhood abuse. Now, I’m not sure what I’m writing about anymore. What worse, I don’t know what to write about anymore.
There are so many times where I want to pack it in and give this thing up, but something profound inside won’t allow me to do that. I still have something to say, but I’m not aware enough yet to understand what that message is. I am continually seeking that deep awareness, but in an instant, a distraction pulls me away.
Success and failures
Over the years, I’ve seen so many successes with this blog, from people sharing their life stories with me, to comments from people all over the world. I’ve found the courage to take up writing as a full-time career, and it all came from this little piece of the internet. I’ve had some failures. Everything from posts that I put a lot of pride in never reaching any audience to receiving comments from my father -the man who sexually abused me as a child.
The struggle is real
While I may struggle to find the words to write from time to time, giving up on The Roaming Mind feels like it would be a failure. Until the day comes when giving it up feels like success, I must continue writing. No matter how difficult it may become.
In life, you’ll have some successes, and you’ll have some failures. It all evens out. But when you give up, you ensure failure, and you tip the balance of fulfillment out of your favour.
I can’t give up
I may not know what my voice is right now, but I cannot give up on the miracle that someday I will find it. The struggle is real, and success is not guaranteed, but the journey I must follow is always within my control.
I’m not done yet.