I am not perfect.
When I am stressed, I do things without much thought. I retreat to what comforts me as retreating is my protection mechanism from pain.
I believe that backtracking is how I move forward. It’s not.
I have seen the cycles so many times in my life, and while I have worked on it whenever I can, sometimes, my bad habit gets the better of me.
A month ago, I decided to put an end to The Roaming Mind. While I believed that I had put a lot of thought into the decision, I did so with a closed mind. No decision should ever be made on a closed mind inside an echo chamber. We always convince ourselves to be right.
I was convinced I was right.
My decision to stop writing in The Roaming Mind came as a result of a note my father (the person who had abused me as a child) had left on one of my blog posts. While the message proved to me what kind of person he really is, I couldn’t help but allow his message to dirty my blog that I had built. To top it off, he finished his message by calling me by a childhood pet name that he often called me; I was physically sickened by the signoff.
It bothers me that he regularly reads my blog posts. While I could get angry at him for doing so, I always hold the power to allow his words to affect me in any way. And this time I had let his words to sway my decision to stop writing in The Roaming Mind.
This is not how I live my life. I cannot run from him. I will run out of places to go. This is MY blog, and I must stand up to him even if he is a regular reader.
So, this is the real reason why I stopped writing in this blog. While I was ashamed to admit it and told myself otherwise, it is the truth.
I will no longer retreat. These are my words, and this is my platform.
This is my life.