I Don’t Have My Sh*t Together

We all think we want to or have our shit together, but do we? Do you really want to? I certainly don’t. While I may appear to have it all together, I certainly don’t.

While my social media streams may have you to believe that I have my shit together, I don’t. We often scan our friend’s profiles and see the magnificent life they are leading. Some are travelling the world, some are always smiling in their pictures and others just never seem to complain. As we all know, social media has created a whole other level of self-comparison and anxiety among its users.

Personally, I refrain from posting any kind of negativity on my timelines. I just don’t feel that our world needs any more blame and energy draining drama. So, because I don’t spread the bad, it could be perceived that my life is all good; but it’s not. I am human. I make mistakes, I fuck up from time to time. While I keep a good demeanour 90% of the time, that 10% I don’t, I am the most judgmental, blaming, egotistical asshole we have all come to hate. Just ask my wife about my intermittent road rage! But that’s me. I just choose to keep those ugly parts covered up and off social media.

Then there are those days.

I have days where I have to drag my ass out of bed. I have days where I have no interest in going to work. I have days when reading -my favourite past-time- doesn’t interest me at all. I have days where my kid drives me crazy. I have days where I would rather lay on the couch and watch “The Bachelor” than to go to the gym and workout. I have days where everyone just seems to be mean to me. I have moments when I am mean to them. I have days where my marriage tests my patience (oh and I do test hers!). I  have days where I eat garbage all-day-long, in fact, the things in my garbage may have more nutrition. I have days where I blame everyone. I have days where I just hide.  I have days where I wonder why I even exist. I have days…

The truth is, I really have no clue what each day will bring. The world around me is not something that I can control. The days that I feel will be great, turn out to be horrible and days that I think will be shit, turn out to be awesome. I can’t expect every day to be great but I have to expect that my reaction to them is under my control. And there is the big secret to life. While we have zero control over the events that may come our way, we really do have 100% control over our emotional reaction to them. While I may not be “on my game” some days, it is up to me to remain emotionally stable to get to the next day, so that yesterday doesn’t spill over into today.

I enjoy the helter-skelter, roller-coaster fast-paced life that I have. It is full of ups and downs, fatigue, pain and the occasional blow-up. I wouldn’t have it any other way. As long as I always remember that I am in complete control of my reactions, it doesn’t matter what comes my way, I am ready for it. To me, having my shit together means that I have settled into a routine that keeps me comfortable, but personal growth never happened while being comfortable. So no, I don’t have my shit together and quite frankly I hope that I never do.


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.