Is It Me? Or Is It You?

I’ve been in a rut lately and trying to find myself out of it has been a big challenge. Who is to blame for my downswing? Is it me? Or is it you?

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come. – Robert H. Schuller

For the longest time I never really caught on to the ups and downs of life. I just went about my business day-in and day-out. When a bad day would happen, it would often end up in a bad week. I would instantly blame others and somehow I medicated myself out of my bad mood to catch a glimpse of a good mood. Overall though, I always felt I was down. My morale became hopeless.

Over the past year or so, I have been a lot more observant of the peaks and valleys of my place in the world. There are times when I am on top of the world and then there are times when I am down and out. When I am up, everything I say and do just seems to breed energy in others, when I am down, it seems I can do nothing right and I can see that I am a drain. When I first observed my swings, I would get very anxious. My anxiety riddled me as I wondered if I would ever get back up again. What can I do? What is everyone else’s problem? I still had some blame in my mindset and figured it was just other people that were making me blue.

Knowing that the common denominator in my life is me, there is no other person to blame for my “blues”. It is hard not to finger point and refrain from comparing myself to others when I am down. Breaking the nasty habit of becoming green with envy, red with anger and blue with pity took me a very long time. Those bad habits only served to drive me even further into a hole as I would give up my control over my life to others -without them even know it. So what is it? What am I doing wrong? Or am I even doing anything wrong? Perhaps, life is just cyclical, but really… what is causing my dip?

Whenever I am down I just seem to sputter in place and I wonder if it is my demeanour. Is the tone of my voice off? Are my facial expressions gloomy? Are the words I am using wrong? Am I not exercising enough or too much? Am I not eating right? Is it the weather? Is it the season? Is it……. It’s tough not knowing what I am doing wrong. It is even more tough to not spiral out of control with anxiety, worrying if I will ever dig myself out of the dip. But there is one thing I do know for sure and that is when these down days are upon me, they are becoming short lived. They are shrinking for the simple fact that I know it is ALL me, and that it is definitely not you.

5 thoughts on “Is It Me? Or Is It You?

  1. I can really relate to this, especially the confusion over why those down moments happen in the first place. Realizing that it’s not the external world that is causing those feelings is definitely the first step in dealing with them in a healthy way. One thing that has helped me even more than that realization is taking it a step further and realizing that it’s not “me”, it’s my mind that’s creating those down moments, and I don’t have to take everything my mind tells me so seriously.

    1. Oh for sure! That is a great point. We often take our thoughts way too seriously and that often leads us down the wrong path. Thank you for your comment!! Have a great day!

  2. It takes a lot of honesty to self examine like this and take accountability for your moods and reactions. I used to blame others myself but the powerlessness of thinking it was other people who were determining my moods was depressing. Sometimes we are affected by others in good or not so good ways, but returning to am equilibrium quickly is a good marker of robust mental health. I’m always going to swing wildly in mood, which is a common feature among the survivor population, but we will grow centred and stronger more and more as time unfolds. That’s my hope for me, and also for you 💛

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