“What the hell was that?” I asked myself as I was sitting in my office chair. It was the feeling that my heart made as I was simply staring at the computer monitor. It came unannounced and it shocked me.
It happened again a short time later. This time, I could feel it in my neck. I felt as though I had water stuck in my throat but I couldn’t quite swallow it all. My chest felt like it was dropping to the floor. My heart is telling me something!
“Ok… should I go to the hospital?” I asked myself as my heart once again fluttered.
I am in reasonably good shape. I eat decently well and I exercise regularly. Why is my heart jumping every so often? This had been going on for pretty much the entire week. When I did my Google search about heart palpitations, I quickly realized… I am over stressed. My mindset is causing me physical pain. The thought of this had me even more concerned and anxious. My mood became irritable and I found myself falling down that dark hole again. How do I get myself out of my perceived predicament? If I look to the left I see an imaginary wall… I look to the right and I see a wall. I am trapped in my own situation in my mind. How do I get out?
For the better part of a year I had been generally unhappy with my career direction. Striving to excel at my craft, I found myself lacking the passion that once fueled my drive to succeed. Don’t get me wrong, I work at an incredible company which has amazing people who are passionate and extremely good at what they do. I want to contribute and help the company flourish but everyday I go to work self-defeated and feeling like a failure even before I start. I just cannot get to that next level and it has been killing me.
While I never truly complained outwardly about my career to others, I was complaining to myself which was way worse. I had become my own critic and I began to play the victim very effectively in my own head. This self destructive cycle was getting me nowhere fast. A change is obviously needed now as my heart is palpitating, I am breaking down. Knowing that I can trust the people who I work with and knowing that they want what is best for me, I took a huge step and had a very candid and open conversation with the owner of the company. I didn’t go into that meeting complaining and I didn’t go into that meeting pointing fingers. I went into that meeting with the sole purpose of wanting to be apart of the solution and not the problem.
We all know that complaining about a problem solves nothing yet we complain to ourselves all the time. While we may not know or care to admit, we are constantly playing the victim to ourselves. The key difference between those who prevail from their victimization and those who succumb is actually doing something about it. Having the bravery to make a move and realizing that even if we fail, we are succeeding because we have removed our self-complaint. When we do this enough times, it becomes automatic; but it is very frightening to start getting into that habit. Self-complaint is the biggest obstacle that separates us from success and ultimately the biggest contributor to our anxieties in life.
Don’t worry heart… I am listening to you. You will no longer have to bear the weight of my self-complaint.