In recent weeks I have questioned why I still write this weekly blog post. Sometimes the creativity isn’t there or I am simply not living in the moment and get sucked into the stagnant growth of my readership. Without those engines, sometimes it can be very difficult to come up with a topic to write about. At times, my interest in sharing my life to the world wanes. Are people even interested in what I have to say? I had started this blog a year and a half ago to allow myself to escape my thoughts and pour them into a forum so that others could benefit from what I have learned. What was once a goal to write 52 postings in 52 weeks has grown into close to 90. But really… What is the point? Why do I bother?
When this year started, I resolved to complete projects, feats and challenges that align with my number one priority in life: my son. If what I am doing right now does not benefit him in some way, then I simply don’t do it. This helps me keep my priorities straight and my goals focused.
As a parent, sometimes we get caught up in believing that we need to solely focus on our children. What happens is that we forget that we need to invest in ourselves and our happiness in order for our kids to also be happy. It feels selfish, but being selfish from time to time is not a bad thing. We are built to work on ourselves but those of us with kids feel that when we work on ourselves, we are abandoning our responsibilities as a parent. Thing is, we only find growth when we invest in our body and mind and sometimes that requires an hour here and there dedicated to “me”. Like our kids, we also need to keep growing otherwise we are investing solely in the lives of others and we end up regressing. When we regress, we end up anxious, depressed and despondent. Over time we begin to loose our identity.
Alternatively, when one focuses solely on themselves, things can also fall apart. For a while I had spent too much time in self investment. While I still believe that I needed that extra time to myself, the practice of being self absorbed for too long had taken it’s toll on my family and I burnt them out. While I felt stronger inside, I had weakened my loved ones. There is a balance between working on you and working on your relationships and therein lies the great challenge of life. The only way that I have found that allows me to achieve balance is when I focus on my priority and ask myself “how does this help my son? how does this benefit my family?”. Only when I can legitimately answer that question is when I proceed. If I have to convince myself or I cannot come up with a gut check answer in an instant, I walk away and don’t look back.
So, why do I write? I write so that I can spend a few moments to myself, to collect my thoughts and invest in my well being. Each time I write, I get to reflect on what I feel at the time. It is a habit, it is a lifeline and it is done so that one day my son can read about his old man’s trials, challenges and life stories. I invest in this talent so that one day he can learn from my mistakes and the weaknesses that I have learned to strengthen. I write so that he will one day see that I am human and that I only wanted the best for the people around me. I write so that he knows that everything I do, I do it with his best interest at heart and that I am growing up right there along side of him.
That is why I write and why I will continue to write… even if nobody reads.