Be pretty if you can, be witty of you must, but be gracious if it kills you – Elsie de Wolfe
A few weeks ago I had suffered from what I would call a mental crash. Late at night I was awoken abruptly by some nasty and dark thoughts. Self doubt reigned supreme as I struggled to get back to sleep; the anxiety was just too much. I barely got through that night. After that scary episode I vowed to myself that I would never sink that low again. I had to find a solution: a new habit.
After much reflection I had come to the conclusion that I was not being content with what have and was focusing too much of my mindset on what I didn’t. I was consuming myself on the future and on things that were beyond of my control. I was simply not being grateful enough of the present. Life was right in my face yet I was staring at the ground wondering where it was.
I had heard a lot about being grateful. A few great leaders in my life are big believers in writing down their gratitude each and everyday. They would often write them at the start of their day so that they could start off on the right foot. While I didn’t shun the idea, I just didn’t buy into the idea that the act of writing your gratitude would make you a more gracious person. I figured that they would come naturally if you just became a better person. I was wrong.
A couple of weeks ago I had decided to take on a personal challenge to write my biggest gratitude at the end of each day and post it on Facebook. My aim was to ensure that I would got to bed each day in a positive mindset and in turn make myself accountable by being transparent about my gratitude. I wanted those who may be involved with my gratitude to get the recognition that they deserve. After-all, we all need to know that we are loved and appreciated, so why not tell each other? After a few days, something amazing happened. I became what I wanted to be: me! The effect of this daily ritual on my psyche has been above and beyond any of my wildest expectations. For the first time in my life, I feel complete.
These past few weeks have been the most freeing and fulfilling times of my life. I end each day feeling accomplished and I wake up with a feeling of meaning that transpires the whole day through. Each day I seek to be gracious of the world ahead in front of me. On top of seeking presence by observing my life as another topic to write about in this blog, I now seek and appreciate each and every act that I take on and acts of kindness that have been given to me. Instead of obsessing over the future or dwelling on the past, I am remaining steadfast in the present. I have never felt more at peace. I’m alive!
I am finally seeing the light by conquering the darkest side of black.