Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde
Last night while I was playing Diablo 3 and listening to one of my favorite songs “Africa” by Toto, I had a realization… I just want to be me! I am sick of being this pretentious, soulless figurine who struggles each day to keep his shit together. It’s high time I bust out. Like everything else in my life, I have been thinking this whole “being me” concept to death for some time, but now is the time to act. I am growing older, time is running out. Life is quickly passing me by. Being me is aligning what I have in my head to what I actually say and do. The few times that I have lined those up, I had found my most true and authentic self. My goodness it was nice. It was truly a taste freedom.
I have long thought about being the real me but I continually keep getting in my own way. It is one of those instances where I know what I want to be, but I don’t quite know what it is. My brain gets in the way and masks it. yet there are brief moments I catch a glimpse and it excites me. To put what this feeling is like, it is those times where you know the word you want to say, but just can’t say it; it is on the tip of your tongue. When you finally do figure out the word, you are just so excited that you figured it out that you blurt it out. Well, that is me right now. I am just waiting for those neurons to connect. And, dammit! When they do.. look the bleep out!!
What has stopped me from being me? Well, I continually throw up barriers. One day I am afraid that I may piss someone off or make them not like me by being my authentic self. I have continually been a people pleaser and the one person in my life that I have forgotten to please, is myself. I am always afraid that people will ridicule for being me but you know what? I need to laugh at myself first and that is tough. When I can do that, I figure the rest of you jokers will just join in on the fun. Self consciousnesses has reigned supreme in my life and it is about time for it to go away. I have always feared failure but by doing so I have failed to live. I need to fail at being me sometimes, it’s apart of the growth. This safety net that I have created around my soul has cramped me for too long. It is time to break free.
I just need to be me!