We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap. – Anthony Hopkins

My Monday mornings of late seem to set the tone for the rest of the week. This is certainly not by design and from what I have observed so far, it is not caused by any other external forces (work, home, people etc). It seems to be purely coincidental. Or is it?

Last Monday I had suffered from what I would describe as a mini mental breakdown. My day started off great and as the day progressed I remained in a great mood. However, somewhere in between the end of my work day and the time I went to bed, something had gone horribly wrong with my mindset.

I had become fixated on my newest blog post and how it was not being received as well as it should, it wasn’t garnering hits. I became anxious, I became angry and I became sad. I really should not have been concerned about this, but on this particular day, I was. My goal of this blog is to not gain popularity or fame, it is solely for me to express my thoughts and experiences as my life carries on. My hopes that maybe someday, my son or whoever can find some worth to my words, gains something from them. Anyways, last Monday, I became self-absorbed and fixated, I was overthinking everything and everyone then figuratively (came close to literally) I crashed.

I woke up in the middle of the night with so many negative thoughts and feelings that my head had become consumed by them. The only way I believed I could get myself out of it was to write out my thoughts. So there I sat, for 2 hours writing a blog posting about what I was thinking of the time. The words were dark, they were real but they were healing. I am so fortunate that I have found a new outlet to clean those negative thoughts out of my head. Once I was done, I had felt 100% better and was able to get back to bed for a good restful night’s rest.

As the week passed by I had tried my best to reflect on what went wrong that day. I wanted to identify what my triggers were and how I can avoid them in the future. I started spending more and more time dwelling on my past experience that once again I was not living in the present. I was becoming unhappy again, I started to slip. I was obviously not learning from my experience early in the week. My overthinking about a silly number that lead to me crashing and burning was followed by my overthinking of why I was overthinking in the first place.

Hmmm… I should stop this right now, I am overthinking once again.