Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.
― Michael Bassey Johnson
I believe that in order to be at peace with certain people that we have in our lives, we need to understand them and learn what makes them tick. This understanding does not condone their behaviour but it allows us to refrain from anger and hurt when challenges from them arise. Recently, I was again reminded of how my childhood abuser is the king of the narcissists. I managed to stumble across a recent Facebook picture from this person’s account and notice that my name was somehow tagged. I am not friends with this individual but upon further investigation, I noticed that they had created a Facebook album named after me (complete with my picture) and then used that to tag my name into the photo. Talk about creepy and sadistic! Anyways, I could have gotten angry. I could have had flashbacks from my past. I could have once again allowed the anxiety from my past fill my head and life. This time was different though; I let this pathetic action slide. I have learned that the person I am dealing with is a narcissist. I do not allow narcissistic people space in my head.
What is a narcissist? Well, it is defined by the Mayo Clinic as: “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”. If you wanted a more “fun” and playful definition of a narcissist, Sheldon Cooper on the TV show Big Bang Theory exemplifies a true narcissist.
When it comes down to it, a narcissist has no concept of wrong doing because they have an unhealthy and inflated sense of self-love that makes them lack any sort of empathy. They seek attention to feed their ever growing ego and any opposition to that is quickly struck down. If you get anywhere near a narcissist’s fragile self-esteem, they tend to guard it by any means necessary.
I have noticed (and I am sure that this is well documented somewhere) is that most abusers, either sexual, mental and/or physical have narcissistic personality disorder. Come to think about it, they would almost have to have those traits as their absurd craving for self-love can only be satisfied by garnering it in any way they can; no matter the human cost. Since their inflated sense of their own importance is so much greater than that of their victims, the cycle gets repeated. On top of all that, they generally lack empathy towards their victims, so they deep down believe they are doing no wrong.
What I have taken away from my experiences throughout my personal regrowth is that we need to intensely understand each other. No matter who they are or what they have done to you, these people need to be defined. By understanding others, we only begin to understand ourselves. Once we understand ourselves, we learn to accept those who we want and need in our lives. We also learn who we need to reject from our lives. Problem is, even after understanding and rejecting these people. They sometimes still manage to creep back into life at the most random and unannounced times. Thing is, once you are armed with this understanding of these people you realize that you hold control over how you handle the situation; but you cannot control or change them.