A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. – Garrison Keillor
Sometime during the least 5 years I had lost my Christmas spirit. Well, I lost whatever it is that defines Christmas spirit. Somewhere during the relentless discussions over “holiday” vs “Christmas” greetings, the endless amount of embarrassing consumerism and the general anxiety that surrounds the season, I had lost my merry way. The tipping point was the year I came out with my abuse story. Because of my relevations, my family dynamic would change dramatically and Christmas as I knew it would also change along with it. All of this combined to make the holiday season a burden to me; I had become a Grinch. I simply did not know how to process all of the emotion that comes along with the season. I simply just went through the motions by avoiding any triggers.
It wasn’t until last year that I had finally found my true meaning of Christmas. In a last ditch effort to bring some joy to my holiday, I had decided to reset and become a child again. When I was a kid, Lego was my drug. I would spend coutless hours playing with these colorful plastic bricks. I could never get enough. So, on a whim I had decided to purchase a big Lego set that I would assemble on Christmas day. When it finally came, I spent the entire day putting together Lego sets with my son. Just like that, I had finally found out what Christmas means to me. It isn’t about pleasing people who needs pleasing, it isn’t about the food, it isn’t about the booze, it isn’t about the religious ceremonies and it isn’t about the over spending on more stuff. It is -for one special day- me being my son’s big brother! We get to play Lego all day, eat junk food and not brush our teeth until they grow mold on them. For one day only, I don’t need to be an adult. I can be that 10 year old me with no strings attached and I can relive a time of my childhood that is worth reliving. I can be now excited about December 25th again! I love being a carefree and irresponsible kid for once, even if it is just for one day.
I want to thank each of you who have read my blog over this past year. Your dedication gives me strength to continue to better myself through open dialogue. Without your reading, I would have no reason to share. I wish for you to get the very best of whatever it is that this season gives to you. I hope that you will find your true meaning of happiness during this hectic holiday season; even if you need to find your inner child.