Sorry, I Needed This One

Whether you’re keeping a journal or writing as a meditation, it’s the same thing. What’s important is you’re having a relationship with your mind. – Natalie Goldberg

I guess writing this blog has been more of a lifeline than I had thought. The idea of not writing a post this week had been kind of wrenching. I have had so many thoughts run through my head this past week and I had no outlet to channel. Last week when I announced that I would take a break from this blog. Thinking and then writing about my past struck a nerve deep inside and I plummeted into a few dark days. My thoughts had consumed me. I became very despondent and lonely. Regrettably, my home life had suffered.

What I have learned through all of my blog posts is that I have been able to identify my anxious triggers. I have been able to pick-up when I am feeling ill, what I haven’t learned yet is how to effectively control it. So far, walking and writing have been my only way to think things through. The only problem with that is; what do I do when I don’t have the time to walk or write? I can’t walk and/or write 24 hours a day! It’s tough sometimes, real tough. But I will persevere. The thought of not telling my story to all of you had crossed my mind, but that would be just retreating into my fears. I need to grow.

So please, to those of you who deal with me on a daily basis, bare with me over the next couple of weeks. Reaching back into my past is a trigger to anxious moments. To all of you, I’m sorry for this blog post. I know it isn’t what I had promised last week, but I needed this one. I need to heal the only way I know how, by telling those who are willing to read and listen. My story is coming, in fact it has already been written!

858 / 1000 KMs walked | 39 / 50 blog posts | 15 / 10 books read

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