There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. – Nelson Mandela
We all have fear. We all have things that we hold back because of it. It is impossible to grow when you are rooted with it. When you are being held back for any reason you are not growing and by not growing you are not truly living. When I really realized that I was not growing as a person, deep down felt like I was dying and it was that sense of death that I realized quickly that if I wanted to live, NOW is the only time to do it. I must live for that moment, grow upward and remove ANY barrier that prevents me from that growth.
A few years ago I conquered one of the biggest fears of my life and while I would love to share with you what that fear was, I am currently shackled by our pathetic justice system, so I must remain silent – for now. Even though my growth since that fear busting moment has been messy and extremely difficult, I have grown up. I have learned who I am. I have learned that facing fear is the only way to grow. So, from that learning experience, this year I had decided to push more of my fears away and one in particular, a fear of heights, was top of the list.
Earlier this year we had planned our first family vacation to great city of Toronto. We had discussed all the different things that would satisfy everyone in our small family, go to the Toronto Zoo, go to Legoland, go to Canada’s Wonderland, go catch a Blue Jays game. All was great. But something was missing from my itinerary. I wanted to experience something that I have not done before, I wanted to push my limits. I decided that on Father’s Day, I would do the CN Tower EdgeWalk. If you are not familiar with what the EdgeWalk is, I welcome you to Google or YouTube videos on it. Basically, you walk around the exterior of the CN Tower (with no handrail or barrier between you and the open air), you are harnessed to it but are free to the world in terms of looking down all 1,168 feet below and then leaning out over the edge.
I knew that if I left booking this experience to the last minute that I would chicken out. So I booked it 3 weeks in advance and paid the significant non-refundable fee. I was now locked in. I have to admit, the first few days after knowing that I was going to do this for real, I literally had nightmares of falling off the damn thing. But, I knew I must to do it. My irrational fear of heights was gripping me from enjoying life. I had a limit that needed pushed. So I pushed it.
The morning of the big day arrived and I was surprisingly not nervous. I honestly wanted to just do it. That was probably because I never had the chance to think too much before jumping on that tower and getting it done. Once I got up there, man what an experience it was! Extending myself off the edge of the CN Tower and doing the classic Titanic scene where the couple are leaning off the front of the boat was downright terrifying! (but in a good way). I wasn’t looking down a few feet from the surface of the ocean, I was looking down at concrete with tiny specs of people walking about 116 stories above their heads. But aside from that exercise, I felt myself becoming more and more comfortable with heights, I began to grow as the experience has taught me that I have no more of a chance of falling to the ground up there than I do standing on a city sidewalk. This was liberating. If I can stand on a 1,168 foot ledge, I for sure as hell can stand now on a 20 foot extension ladder!
I have a greater goal aside from conquering my fears. My fears are just getting in the way of my greater goal to live like I am dying. To treat every precious minute as if it were my last. I no longer want to waste anymore of my time on fear. When I am laying on my deathbed I want to be able to honestly say that I have lived my life and that I didn’t allow fear to rob me of that. I still have a long way to go but so far, as each weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I fell as though I am growing at an exponential rate. From this day on I will live like I am dying before I die having never truly lived.
564 / 1000 KMs walked | 28 / 50 blog posts |
12 / 10 books read